The Hunger Games: Catching Fire trailer throws fan favorite Jennifer Lawrence back into the action as Katniss Everdeen. The stakes are raised this year when she has to fight former champions instead of random tributes. Katniss has become the symbol of rebellion for all of the districts, which is why rules are being changed in an attempt to eliminate her.

The audience for the first Hunger Games was only 39% male, but that should skew higher for Catching Fire. Jennifer Lawrence has become an internet darling since the original, and the movie was found to have more action and less teenage love drama than most guys expected.

Landon Donovan spearheaded an offensive assault against El Salvador resulting in a 5-1 victory for U.S. and a berth in the Gold Cup semifinal. The game was entertaining, though it did get ugly at the end as the pro-Salvadoran crowd pelted the field with foreign objects.

One of those objects, a pair of sunglasses, found its way near Donovan during a corner kick. Naturally, he went for the patented Deal with It moment. Sadly he was denied by an overzealous official. An official who clearly hates GIFs.

Some wives suck. Some husbands suck. But you’re going to have a hard time finding someone more obnoxious than this woman nagging so hard at her miserable husband.

According to the uploader, “This is not the first time this has happened. This is my wife when she does not get her way. For so long she kept telling people that I was the crazy one…….” Going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re both the crazy one. She acts like a lunatic, you uploaded a video to the Internet of her that includes you laughing smugly at her while she acts like the world’s biggest C. You both suck and probably deserve each other. Enjoy. (via Reddit)

Depending on which celebrity tabloid you read, you get two very different stories about whether Elin Nordegren approves of Tiger Woods’ relationship with Lindsey Vonn. Amazingly they were both entitled “Exclusive” too.

The NY Post’s “Exclusive” says —

Sources tell us the former model believes her ex “seems happy with Lindsey, and she gets on well with their children.”

While Us Weekly’s “Exclusive” says —

Despite a Page Six report that Elin Nordegren approves of ex-husband Tiger Woods’ girlfriend, Lindsey Vonn, and thinks that she’s “a very good influence on Tiger,” a source tells Us Weekly that it’s simply not true.

“Elin can’t say anything else,” a source close to Vonn told Us. “She got a settlement and there’s a confidentiality agreement, and she isn’t allowed to disparage him in the press or she loses some of that $100 million.”

The insider added, “She still despises Tiger. As time goes on, it probably gets easier, but she definitely doesn’t like having Lindsey around her kids.”

Now I am going to go ahead and provide my own EXCLUSIVE!!!!1!! I will now wildly speculate in the true fashion of everything tabloid regarding Tiger, Lindsay, and Elin. Here we go. Elin Nordegren (as well as 90% of people reading this) don’t give a flying fuck what Tiger Woods does with Lindsey Vonn, or any other woman for that matter.

You can just send me my Pulitzer c/o Guyism. Thank you.

EXCLUSIVE: Elin approves of Woods and Vonn – Lindsey ‘a good influence on Tiger’ [Post]
Exclusive: Elin Nordegren Does Not Approve of Tiger Woods’ Girlfriend Lindsey Vonn [Us]

A thief pulled a Home Alone 2 at an Orlando Walgreens in order to steal $5,000 worth Ciroc Vodka. Diddy was unavailable for question, mostly because I’m the only one who immediately wondered what he thought about it. He’s likely thrilled about the free press and perceived appeal for his vodka brand though.

Ciroc

According to cops, the unsub hid in the Walgreens store room, much like Marv and Harry hid in toy houses in Home Alone 2. Once everyone had gone home for the night, the the thief walked out through the emergency exit with $5000 dollars worth of Ciroc, on of the finest grape-based vodkas. That’s in the ballpark of 14 cases, which is a fairly impressive feat.

I’m hoping for the mother of all irony in which it turns out that the thief stole the fake Ciroc that’s been slipping into stores.

via ClickOnOrlando

Huffington Post

Scientists have finally perfected birth control for men: C-BLOCK. And hey, they make it for women, too.

In my humble opinion, there are few things quite as impressive in sports as a total knockout. This video of a guy throwing a sick head kick to knock a competitor in a martial arts tournament is the proof of my hypothesis.

How do you know when a knockout is something special? When one guy knocks the other out so bad that he has to run over and check on him out of genuine concern that his shins of fury may have ended the guy’s life. Probably a good thing I lack such skills. I’d probably just do a touchdown dance over the guy’s head. Class is great but rubbing someone’s face in their failures is greater.

Relish fell behind in a race against ketchup and mustard during yesterday’s Royals-Tigers game. The little fella clearly wasn’t as fast as his fellow condiments. You could say the dropped trou was a factor.

And yes, Fox Sports announcer Mario Impemba deserves an Emmy for his “which means his buns were showing” line. I would have also accepted, “he didn’t relish his opportunity.”

(Much thanks to PhilCokesBrain for passing along)

All of the talk after SyFy’s Sharknado was that the ratings didn’t match the social media hype. Twitter was declared shark bait. The ratings for Syfy’s encore showing of Sharknado proved otherwise.

YouTube

After a middling 1.4 million viewers turned into the Sharknado premiere, many people were quick to say that the movie was a failure. While the ratings weren’t terrible, they also weren’t great. The numbers certainly didn’t live up to the astounding 5000 tweets per minute. It was the moment for which real journalists and advertisers had been waiting.

Multiple articles were written about how Twitter buzz doesn’t actually relate to viewers or sales, and that social media is a bust. What most people failed to recognize, however, is that a Sharknado, both the movie and the weather pattern, is a very unique event. It’s one of the rare times when a product is entertaining enough to talk about even if you had no plans to use it. I’m not going to make a dozen twitter jokes about Cheerios or The Avengers out of the blue, but I could riff on something called Sharknado all day without ever knowing it was a real movie.

In the end, the Twitter buzz did pay off. The ratings for the encore showing of Sharknado averaged 1.9 million. I’m not a student of TV movie ratings, but a 38% increase in viewers for a rerun seems like a great white improvement. The Twitter hype may not have resulted in real-time excellence, but the lasting effects are certainly apparent.

The reward for your hard work tweeting up a storm is an all day SyFy Sharkathon. Sharknado will air at 9pm on July 27th as part of the shark movie marathon that runs from 9AM-5AM. Other sharktastic classics will be Sharktopus, Two-Headed Shark Attack and Swamp Shark.

Last month Christen Dye became another one of our Internet girlfriends (we have many, they don’t mind) when she sent us some sexy pictures and videos. (That’s why she’s our pretend girlfriend now.) Today she takes our relationship to a whole other level. Now you know how sometimes it’s simply better for a sports announcer to be quiet and just let the action on the field speak for itself? That’s what I am going to do now with these photographs of Christen Dye. Enjoy.

When you’re done wiping the drool off your chin go vote for Christen for this year’s Maxim Hometown Hottie.

Then be sure to check out Christen’s Web site, Tumblr, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram pages.

Want even more Christen Dye? How could you not? Just click here.

Photo credit: Jose Luis

Since we here at Guyism pretty much live on the Internet we run across an awful lot of good things each day. These are some of the funniest, sexiest, most entertaining things we’ve seen so far today.

Awesome Sand Castles

Huffington Post

Kate Middleton Facts

Heavy

As Good a Guess as Any

Hannah Davis in Bikinis

Popoholic

Brilliant Tip Jars

The Chive

Wait For It…

UFC Girl Kahili Blundell

SI Extra Mustard

Sailboat vs. Bridge

Clip Nation

Mya Barrymore and her Handbra

Gorilla Mask

That’s True

Are You a Hipster?

MTV Guy Code

Nina Agdal: Heat Fan?

Busted Coverage

Last Week’s Funniest Videos

The Smoking Jacket

Amelie Honore in Lingerie

Celebslam

Best Vine Ever

HyperVocal

Sofia Vergara in a Bikini

DrunkenStepfather

Today in skydive landings gone awry comes this video of a skydiver landing on a team’s starting shortstop before the game. The player, Mattingly Romanin of the Hannibal Cavemen seemed ok but, wait, what? What’s his name again? Mattingly? NOPE. I now question the authenticity of this video. Has to be some kind of PR stunt. Especially since no one seemed to care about that guy falling from the sky and drop kicking someone in the head.

Showtime

We’re almost halfway through the final season of Dexter and things are really picking up. What’s going to happen to Dexter, Deb, and the rest of the players? Let’s find out in Dexter S08E04 “Scar Tissue”.

LOSER: Vogel’s perceptiveness

After Deb tells Dr. Vogel about her fantasy that she shot Dexter instead of LaGuerta, tells her that she doesn’t know why she’d trust Vogel, and then yells spastically in classic Deb fashion, Dr. Vogel declares, “You’re upset.” She’s one hell of a psychiatrist, I’ll give her that.

Vogel insists that Deb wants to get better and that she’ll help Deb get there. TBD I suppose.

WINNER: Psychopathic cable men

What’s the perfect job for a psychopath? A cable installer, obviously. Dexter chases down AJ Yates, another former Vogel patient who could be a candidate for the brain surgery serial killer.

But Yates wasn’t marked as someone with brain surgery at Vogel’s hands. Turns out he did have it and Vogel just didn’t mention it. Seems like an important detail but I guess Dr. Vogel has a lot on her mind. Until the dude chops out her brains I guess.

Dexter snoops in Yates’ house and finds a bunch of single female shoes sitting around. Yates catches Dexter’s snooping on closed circuit cameras in a room where he’s currently holding a woman tied up and gagged against a fence. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s the brain surgeon but he’s got some problems beyond just upselling people on Showtime.

WINNER: The old tapes of Ghost Harry

Deb gets a front row seat to the therapy session videos with Dr. Vogel and their father Harry. Vogel tries to help Deb understand that the Code is just a way of helping Dexter control his serial killing energies…it’s protecting Dexter the same way Deb protected him in the shipping container with LaGuerta.

Vogel tries to install some degree of understanding in Deb that Dexter is who is he and Deb is who she is.

For some reason, Vogel allows Deb to keep the tape. It’s always a good idea to let a woman who desperately wants to confess to the police and let Dexter fry for it keep evidence material to his serial murdering. Smart stuff, doc.

WINNER: Shipping containers as therapy breakthroughs

Vogel takes Deb to the shipping container where she shot LaGuerta and uses it to try to convince Deb that she chose Dexter and that doesn’t make her a bad person. Deb made a choice to do the wrong thing to protect Dexter. But Vogel insists that doesn’t make her a bad person.

She does get Deb to stop drinking — at least for now — when Deb passes up a beer after some heartfelt conversation with her private detective boss, Elway. Progress!

LOSER: Quinn’s chivalry

Quinn overhears someone talking shit about Deb and decides to go to war at a bar with him, even though he’s with Jamie and Batista. Nothing women love more than defending your ex-girlfriend’s honor in front of her.

Quinn’s hot head pisses off Batista, too, because he’s been backing him so hard for sergeant. Aaaand…

WINNER: That black girl in the police department

You know that black lady who showed up this season and seems perfectly competent and unnoteworthy? Apparently she’s also up for sergeant. And she tested higher than Quinn on the sergeant’s test, an item noted by Matthews. Matthews also notes that this will be Batista’s first promotion in the department and will heavily reflect on him.

Do we pick the perfectly competent black lady or the former alcoholic loose cannon? Dozens of years of TV say that door number two is the only logical solution for where we’re going to end up.

WINNER: Masuka’s proximity to incest

Masuka is visited by a hot girl who’s been trying to meet him. Being Masuka, he acts like a creep to the girl (best known as the mixed race hot girl from Friday Night Lights

Weird little plot thread given how serious the rest of the season is but hey why not.

LOSER: Vogel’s entirely too candid journal

Through his Yates sleuthing, Dexter finds that Vogel has been keeping notes on all of their meetings. Naturally, they don’t come across well when Dexter reads them aloud as he confronts her. Dexter tells Vogel that when he kills Yates, their time together is done.

As Dexter closes in on Yates while he was visiting his dad, Yates pulls the plug on his dad just to escape — simultaneously proving that Yates isn’t the same kind of sociopath that Vogel says he is. Nice guy that Yates.

LOSER: Impromptu car rides

Deb, overcome with feelings of disgust towards Dexter’s murder after watching another Harry tape in which he explains Dexter’s kill process, drives them into a body of water. And then decides she doesn’t want Dexter to die so she rescues him as he”s about to drive. Women.

—

Is Yates actually the dude? If so, not exactly the big threat I would expect for a plotline taking up about half the season. That said, the look into Harry’s problems with Dexter’s path is an interesting plus with the Vogel plotline. The relative confirmation that Vogel has been manipulating — or at least using — Dexter moves the plot along nicely as well and will hopefully mean that we’ll get a read on her intentions sooner than later.

More importantly, it seems like Deb has finally turned a corner on who she really is. I’m not ruling out that we’ll have another four episodes of Deb waffling back and forth but it seems like the dramatic drowning and saving should put a ribbon on her existential crisis around Dexter.

Episode gets three out of five submarined automobiles because this Yates guy just kind of sucks. Still optimistic as we near the second half of the season, though.

All the hype is with Instagram’s video right now but you’ve got to love a well done Vine. In this one is the perfect breakdown of the difference between white and black people’s responses to magic.

If I were a magician, I’d definitely love black people’s responses way more. If my tricks don’t make people scream and do cartwheels and at least temporarily consider burning me at the sake, why did I even get into the game?

msnNOW

What should a high school senior know before going to college? These 16 things will get you started off on the right foot.

Click to see more on msnNOW.com, updated 24 hours a day.

James Hetfield took some time at Comic-Com this weekend to talk about the new movie Metallica Through the Never. If you weren’t excited to see a new Metallica movie before, you will be now.

I geeked out over the trailer for Metallica Through the Never, but learning that props from 30 years worth of tours will be involved just pushed it to another level. Prepare to have your face melted off. The Metallica Through the Never release dates are IMAX 3D on 9/27 and theaters everywhere 10/3.

Oh, you’re enjoying those Corn Flakes. That’s too bad because Mike Pereira’s here to piss in them. The officiating guru says he would have ejected Jadeveon Clowney for his ‘hit heard round the world.’

A reminder for those of you who haven’t seen it a zillion times.

According to Pereira, Clowney led with the crown of his helmet which, under new rules, would have led to an automatic ejection. That legitimately makes me sad because the Clowney GIF is perhaps the greatest sports moment of our lifetime. A “where were you” when you saw it type of thing. Our generation’s version of the Immaculate Reception or Flutie’s Hail Mary.

To think that would have resulted in an ejection ruins everything. It ruins that small part of our fandom—the one that makes us jump up in excitement after a breathtaking play. Clowney’s combination of raw power, speed and athleticism are unmatched in today’s college game. He’s hard to officiate, no doubt. But let’s not turn this new rule into a witch-hunt for our great athletes. Let’s not turn this into a flagapolooza after every hit.

Football is a violent game with violent results. We need to accept that.

Riddick unveiled a a new red band trailer at Comic-Con, and we finally see Vin Diesel keep good on his threat to kill a guy in less than five seconds. The international trailer proved he was a man of his word, but this time we actually see the death blow. Kills like that are the reason Vin Diesel pushed so hard for Riddick to be rated R.

Riddick kicks machetes through faces in theaters September 6th.
The infamous Riddick has been left for dead on a sun-scorched planet that appears to be lifeless. Soon, however, he finds himself fighting for survival against alien predators more lethal than any human he’s encountered. The only way off is for Riddick to activate an emergency beacon and alert mercenaries who rapidly descend to the planet in search of their bounty.

The first ship to arrive carries a new breed of merc, more lethal and violent, while the second is captained by a man whose pursuit of Riddick is more personal. With time running out and a storm on the horizon that no one could survive, his hunters won’t leave the planet without Riddick’s head as their trophy

Digg founder Kevin Rose posted a video over the weekend showing his dog and a raccoon fighting. Sometime during the skirmish, the raccoon got the upper hand which led to Rose tossing it down the stairs. It was a heroic act, clearly done amid a fight/flight response. It was also quite amusing.

And the obligatory looped GIF of rabid raccoon getting tossed.

Rose reports his dog, Toaster, is ok. Just a few cuts and bruises. The raccoon on the other hand has head trauma, presumably.

Baron Babineaux is deaf and blind. But rather than sit around and feel bad for himself, he chased a dream and got himself a slot at a National Physique Committee bodybuilding event.

Did Helen Keller even bench? Doubt it. Let’s get a play around Baron Babineaux going instead.