Study: Kids can’t stop getting their dicks crushed in toilet seats

June 20, 2013, 4:15 pm

≫ Next: GIFterpiece Theatre: Is this the hottest Chrissy Teigen GIF?

≪ Previous: ‘Crystal Fairy’ trailer might give you a contact high

$

0

0

Potty training is hard enough as is. Now a study says kids are more likely to drop a toilet seat on their little dongs than you’d ever realized.

Kid potty training image by Shutterstock

According to researchers, the number of emergency room visits for toilet seat injuries to the dong, increased by about 100 visits each year between 2002 and 2010.

The injuries primarily incurred with young boys experimenting with toilet training — though some were also from adult males getting caught in the snags of the complicated toilet process.

One researcher told Reuters that he was “pretty surprised” to learn that one in every 30 genital injuries reported at the ER were the direct result of toilet malperformance.

Between 2002 and 2010 there were an estimated 13,175 toilet injuries. Approximately 68 percent were filed as “crush injuries,” i.e. a toilet smashing someone’s junk within its confines.

According to the aforementioned researcher, Dr. Benjamin Brayer of the University of California in San Francisco, the rise of ceramic and heavy wood toilet seats might be to blame.

Having seen a few baby dicks in my day (all relatives, not like in a basement) I’m shocked that this would be bordering on an epidemic. How can those little mealworms get caught in anything? These kids are probably going to the ER and playing pretend. “Oh yeah, my dick is so biiiig it got caught in the toilet seat because I’m just a big meaty donged kid trying to learn the potty.” Whatever, kid.

---

GIFterpiece Theatre: Is this the hottest Chrissy Teigen GIF?

June 20, 2013, 4:30 pm

≫ Next: The 10 N64 games that changed our lives

≪ Previous: Study: Kids can’t stop getting their dicks crushed in toilet seats

$

0

0

Check out this Chrissy Teigen GIF because she’s sexy and she’s funny and we love her. She’s leads tonight’s GIFterpiece Theatre.

Make sure to check out today’s Guyism tribute to women and waterfalls.

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

15 This dog is cooler than you

14 I’m sorry, what?

13 Bet she farts loud

12 WORLDSTAR, WORLDSTAR—amirite?

11 Because the reef girls are amazing

10 This is sort of trippy

9 Okey-dokey

8 Hannah Mount-ana, amirite guys?

7 And he’s spent

6 Patrick’s the man

5 I pulled a muscle getting out of bed this morning

4 Like what?

3 I think you’re doing squats wrong

2 So, so brutal

1 Love the Bella Twins

The 10 N64 games that changed our lives

June 21, 2013, 11:15 am

≫ Next: ASL interpreter crushes signing Wu Tang set at Bonnaroo

≪ Previous: GIFterpiece Theatre: Is this the hottest Chrissy Teigen GIF?

$

0

0

BroBible

Although only in existence for six short years, the N64 would leave a legacy that has yet to be surpassed since its discontinuation.

ASL interpreter crushes signing Wu Tang set at Bonnaroo

June 21, 2013, 11:30 am

≫ Next: 2013 best beers, breweries, and portfolios in America

≪ Previous: The 10 N64 games that changed our lives

$

0

0

How do you bring to life the rap of the Wu Tang Clan for the deaf? You’ve got to have soul like this ASL interpreter, Holly, at Bonnaroo.

VICE interviewed Holly about her process. She says for each concert she does the ASL interpretation for, she researches around 50-60 hours per band.

“One thing that myself and the other girl in the video, Jenn Abbott, is that we do a lot of research. We watch a lot of videos on them performing live. We do a lot of research on where they came from and in the process of that, learning where they move on stage, and how they hold their body, how they hit a beat really hard, or a word of a song really hard, and how they annunciate their body. We do a lot of that and you know a lot of listening to the music and a lot of research where they came from.”

Sounds intense.

2013 best beers, breweries, and portfolios in America

June 21, 2013, 11:45 am

≫ Next: Twitter Crazy: This week’s best celebrity tweets

≪ Previous: ASL interpreter crushes signing Wu Tang set at Bonnaroo

$

0

0

Macdoodle

Zymurgy, the Journal of the American Homebrewers Association, polls readers every year to determine the best commercially available beers in America. How many of the top 25 have you had? I’m at 21.

25 Best Beers in America
Top 25 beers based on most votes.

RussianRiverBrewing

1. Russian River Pliny the Elder

2. Bell’s Two Hearted Ale

3. Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA

4. Bell’s Hopslam Ale

5. Ballast Point Sculpin IPA

6. Founders Breakfast Stout

7. Arrogant Bastard Ale

8. Sierra Nevada Ruthless Rye IPA

T9. Lagunitas Sucks

T9. Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale

T9. Stone Ruination IPA

T12. North Coast Old Rasputin

T12. Sierra Nevada Torpedo Extra IPA

T12. Stone Enjoy By IPA

15. Sierra Nevada Pale Ale

16. The Alchemist Heady Topper

T17. Firestone Walker Double Jack

T17. Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout

19. Oskar Blues Dale’s Pale Ale

20. Firestone Walker Wookey Jack

T21. Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA

T21. Three Floyds Zombie Dust

T23. Firestone Walker Union Jack

T23. Lagunitas Little Sumpin’ Sumpin’

25. Goose Island Bourbon County Stout

25 Best Breweries in America
Brewery rankings are based on total votes received by each brewery’s beers.

Facebook

1. Stone Brewing Co., Escondido, Calif.

2. Russian River Brewing Company, Santa Rosa, Calif.

3. Sierra Nevada Brewing Company, Chico, Calif.

4. Dogfish Head Craft Brewery, Milton, Del.

5. Bell’s Brewery, Kalamazoo, Mich.

6. Firestone Walker Brewing Company, Paso Robles, Calif.

7. Founders Brewing Company, Grand Rapids, Mich.

8. Lagunitas Brewing Company, Petaluma, Calif.

9. New Belgium Brewing Company, Fort Collins, Colo.

10. Deschutes Brewery, Bend, Ore.

11. Odell Brewing Company, Fort Collins, Colo.

12. Three Floyds Brewing Company, Munster, Ind.

13. Avery Brewing Company, Boulder, Colo.

14. Oskar Blues Brewery, Longmont, Colo.

15. Green Flash Brewing Company, San Diego, Calif.

16. The Boston Beer Company, Boston, Mass.

17. Boulevard Brewing Company, Kansas City, Mo.

18. Goose Island Beer Company, Chicago, Ill.

19. New Glarus Brewing Company, New Glarus, Wis.

T20. Great Divide Brewing Company, Denver, Colo.

T20. Ballast Point Brewing Company, San Diego, Calif.

22. Troegs Brewing Co., Hershey, Pa.

23. Great Lakes Brewing Company, Cleveland, Ohio

24. Victory Brewing Company, Downington, Pa.

25. Brewery Ommegang, Cooperstown, N.Y.

25 Best Beer Portfolios in America
Breweries with the most brands represented in the results.

Facebook

1. The Boston Beer Company (Samuel Adams) (40 beers)

2. Dogfish Head Craft Brewery (38 beers)

3. Avery Brewing Company (35 beers)

4. Cigar City Brewing (30 beers)

5. Sierra Nevada Brewing Company (29 beers)

6. Bell’s Brewery (28 beers)

7. New Belgium Brewing (27 beers)

T8. Stone Brewing Co. (26 beers)

T8. Goose Island Beer Company (26 beers)

9. Boulevard Brewing Company (25 beers)

10. Deschutes Brewery (24 beers)

T11. Founders Brewing Company (23 beers)

T11. New Glarus Brewing Company (23 beers)

T11. The Bruery (23 beers)

T11. The Saint Louis Brewery (23 beers)

T15. Rogue Ales (21 beers)

T15. Lagunitas Brewing Company (21 beers)

T15. Odell Brewing Company (21 beers)

T15. Great Divide Brewing Company (21 beers)

T19. Firestone Walker Brewing Company (20 beers)

T19. Three Floyds Brewing Company (20 beers)

T19. Manayunk Brewing Company (19 beers)

22. Papago Brewing Company (19 beers)

T23. Great Lakes Brewing Company (18 beers)

T23. Southern Tier Brewing Company (18 beers)

T23. Victory Brewing Company (18 beers)

T23. Russian River Brewing Company (18 beers)

More from American Homebrewers Association

Facebook

Get original list from the Homebrewers Association goes all the way up to 50 and there is also a list of the top 10 imports. Be sure to go their page and see which ones didn’t quite make our cut. While you’re there maybe you can figure out how to brew your own beer so you can stop paying attention to these lists.

Twitter Crazy: This week’s best celebrity tweets

June 21, 2013, 12:00 pm

≫ Next: Pat Riley gave Rachel Nichols a champagne bath and it was AWKWARD

≪ Previous: 2013 best beers, breweries, and portfolios in America

$

0

0

eldh, Flickr

Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.

Photo credit: eldh, Flickr

Getting back to your hotel from a San Antonio Finals game is the worst Grand Theft Auto game ever.

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) June 17, 2013

Hey, a new slogan for the San Antonio Tourism Bureau!

Eric Spoelstra is one of America's best high school coaches.

— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) June 17, 2013

And yet, he’s a two-time champ now.

miss 'the south africas' south carolina is probably soooooo happy today

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 17, 2013

She should send a thank you gift to Miss Utah.

I heard someone say "top 2 finishers" and now I can't stop thinking about a porn Olympics.

— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) June 17, 2013

Annnd this is why we like her.

Miss Universe is the one we let talk to aliens right

— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) June 17, 2013

I believe that is correct.

Whenever somebody takes out a guitar at a party, I take out my dick & say "Keep strummin', Cat Stevens…"

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) June 17, 2013

As one should.

Fox News is Sesame Street for old people.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 17, 2013

Sesame Street takes offense with that statement.

"The 'Miss Utah' pod-agent has sent the coded message! Attack! Attack!" — D'yoshht T'riil, Supreme War-wraith of the Phobos Fleet

— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) June 17, 2013

Sorry, this just made me laugh.

"I can do that. Hold my beer" – My last words, probably.

— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) June 18, 2013

And this is why we like her.

When I wear a shirt with buttons I take it off in the mirror and practice being sexy. I did this 15 mins ago.

— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) June 18, 2013

Next time prove it with Instagram video.

The only way I could hate the Miami Heat more is if they were called the Miami Humidity.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) June 19, 2013

It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

#rigged is trending.

— Jim Rome (@jimrome) June 19, 2013

After Game 6.

What movie better Anchorman 2 or Go Fuck Your own dead dog dick 4?

— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) June 19, 2013

I’m going to go with Anchorman 2 on this one.

In case you were wondering, you are allowed to bring duct tape on an airplane. Clearly they have no idea what I can accomplish w/ 1 roll!

— Kari Byron (@KariByron) June 20, 2013

Kari Byron: Terrorist threat.

Rob Schneider & Jenny McCarthy linking vaccines to autism. Martin Lawrence & Kelsey Grammer on a new FX series. The Freedom Tower glistens.

— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) June 20, 2013

‘MURICA.

I can't believe my boobies are going to be a year old tomorrow! #CocoAndChanel

— Ashley Alexiss (@AshAlexiss) June 20, 2013

Was there a party?

No one is more sad about James Gandolfini's death than Kim Kardashian and Kanye West.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 20, 2013

Seriously.

Today is Nicole Kidman's birthday. In preparation, she started to smile 3 weeks ago.

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) June 20, 2013

Oh snap.

Worried Aaron Hernandez will use Tim Tebow like a media smoke bomb and escape in the confusion

— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) June 20, 2013

Seems like a smart plan.

In honor of Tony Soprano we should all fuck our therapists today.

— Jeffrey Ross (@realjeffreyross) June 20, 2013

Or any therapist.

Just what the people wanted, with the introduction of video, Instagram is going to turn into millions of independent 15 second food networks

— Jamie Kennedy (@JamieKennedy) June 20, 2013

That’s not even a joke.

why is everyone complaining about "the heat". it's positively cool and crisp outside.

— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) June 21, 2013

Girls…

Then North West became someone's name and I died

— Kat Dennings (@OfficialKat) June 21, 2013

The End.

Pat Riley gave Rachel Nichols a champagne bath and it was AWKWARD

June 21, 2013, 12:15 pm

≫ Next: The Weekend Guyism Speed Round

≪ Previous: Twitter Crazy: This week’s best celebrity tweets

$

0

0

Pat Riley gave reporter Rachel Nichols a champagne bath during last night’s locker room celebration. It was awkward and it was wonderful.

As Nichols leaned back and let the champagne trickle down her throat, one could only wonder what was going through her mind and DAMMIT, you guys, where did that come from.

Maybe I made that, maybe I didn’t. Maybe I’m a hero, maybe I’m not.

The Weekend Guyism Speed Round

June 21, 2013, 12:25 pm

≫ Next: 5 of the world’s biggest toys

≪ Previous: Pat Riley gave Rachel Nichols a champagne bath and it was AWKWARD

$

0

0

In today’s Guyism Speed Round, Katie Nolan gives 5 bits of advice to her successor, discusses her YouTube idol, and more!

Don’t forget to subscribe on YouTube for the latest videos from Katie Nolan and the rest of the Guyism team as well as a bonus video every single day.

Missed an episode? See all of the recent Guyism Speed Rounds here.

---

5 of the world’s biggest toys

June 21, 2013, 12:30 pm

≫ Next: Supercut: John Goodman losing his sh*t

≪ Previous: The Weekend Guyism Speed Round

$

0

0

Maxim

As guys, we love toys and the bigger the better. As for these toys, well, we need all of these immediately.

Supercut: John Goodman losing his sh*t

June 21, 2013, 12:45 pm

≫ Next: This might be the least impressive group of black belts in history

≪ Previous: 5 of the world’s biggest toys

$

0

0

John Goodman spends a good majority of his time in movies losing his shit. It’s like a timebomb ticking away until the eventual Shomer Shabbos eruption. John Goodman never lets us down either. When someone needs to have their head ripped off, he’s going to do it. I guess that’s what happens when you spend nine years married to Rosanne.

This might be the least impressive group of black belts in history

June 21, 2013, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: The sexiest pizza you’ll ever watch being made

≪ Previous: Supercut: John Goodman losing his sh*t

$

0

0

Having a black belt in marital arts is supposed to mean you’re a master of your craft. The group doing a demonstration in this video…not. even. close.

I’m all for people of all skills doing martial arts. It’s a great workout, obviously, and self-defense is an important thing to learn. But maybe we don’t have to lavish the highest honor one can get upon them when they seem to be incapable of even standing upright, let alone throwing a proper heel kick. I’m just glad that fat dude in the back didn’t die on video during this.

Either way, congratulations to the latest graduates from the Steven Seagal School or whatever.

The sexiest pizza you’ll ever watch being made

June 21, 2013, 1:15 pm

≫ Next: Paula Deen issues bizarre apology on video for using racial slur

≪ Previous: This might be the least impressive group of black belts in history

$

0

0

Vanda Dita Gallo and Dovile Sokaite are two beautiful models that want to help you learn how to make pizza. The video is very… informative, and is certain to make your dough rise.

I wasn’t paying attention enough to learn how to make pizza, but I’m pretty sure I know what you’re supposed to do with flour now. You rub/toss/dab it all over hot chicks and a pizza magically appears. Who knew it was so easy? Here I am laboring away to make Oreo Lasagna and Jägermeister Chicken Tacos, when all I need to do is recruit beautiful women to come to my kitchen.

Full recipe on EyeHandy.

Paula Deen issues bizarre apology on video for using racial slur

June 21, 2013, 1:30 pm

≫ Next: The 9 ways this generation communicates

≪ Previous: The sexiest pizza you’ll ever watch being made

$

0

0

Paula Deen was a no-show earlier for her appearance on The Today Show, citing exhaustion. It was a bad PR move. But it wasn’t as bad as this video of her apologizing. This apology video of Paula Deen of The Food Network was first posted on YouTube, but once it hit the viral winds and people starting wondering just what in the hell was going on with her in it, it was pulled. Luckily for us, this is the Internet. Watch and cringe.

UPDATE: According to Twitter reports, Paula Deen has been shitcanned by The Food Network. No wonder she’s “exhausted.”

UPDATE #2: A SECOND apology video.

The 9 ways this generation communicates

June 21, 2013, 1:45 pm

≫ Next: What to watch this weekend: ‘Mad Men’ season finale

≪ Previous: Paula Deen issues bizarre apology on video for using racial slur

$

0

0

Total Frat Move

Phone calls are pretty much reserved for when someone is dying by this generation, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t communicate. They just do it differently than before.

What to watch this weekend: ‘Mad Men’ season finale

June 21, 2013, 2:00 pm

≫ Next: Bree Kleintop works her bikini in the latest edition of ‘Surf House’

≪ Previous: The 9 ways this generation communicates

$

0

0

Flare

Two things of note this weekend. AMC is running Breaking Bad marathons on Friday night the next couple of months. Secondly, the Mad Men season 6 finale airs on Sunday night. Here’s what you need to watch.

Friday

Breaking Bad @ 12am, AMC: Who doesn’t want to watch old episodes of Breaking Bad?

Saturday

Brooklyn DA @ 9pm, CBS: Solid real life show that got pushed to Saturday’s. Boo.

Stanley Cup Finals @ 8pm, NBC: So the SCF finished after the NBA Finals and that’s just wrong.

Sunday

True Blood @ 9pm, HBO: Fully admit to not watching this show but everybody says it’s good so just go with it.

Mad Men @ 10pm, AMC: Will there be a plot twist heading into Season 7? I’d bet good money on it.

---

Bree Kleintop works her bikini in the latest edition of ‘Surf House’

June 21, 2013, 2:20 pm

≫ Next: The mystery of ‘asparagus pee’ finally solved

≪ Previous: What to watch this weekend: ‘Mad Men’ season finale

$

0

0

It’s been a few weeks since we saw the kids on the Web series Surf House, and since lovely professional surfer Bree Kleintop spent a lot of time in a bikini in the latest episode I thought it was time to check in. This week’s episode sees Mitch and Dunphy compete in the final surf event of the contest season, while newly single(!) Bree shares the details of her modeling career(!), and Alisha and Bree have a dispute over a guy threatening their stay at the North Shore beach house.

EPISODE 5

EPISODE 4

EPISODE 3

Check out the first two episodes of ‘Surf House’ right here.

Photo credit: YouTube/Network A

The mystery of ‘asparagus pee’ finally solved

June 21, 2013, 2:40 pm

≫ Next: The dumbest art installations ever

≪ Previous: Bree Kleintop works her bikini in the latest edition of ‘Surf House’

$

0

0

Grilled asparagus is delicious, but the eventual asparagus pee smell is very undesirable. Now we finally have answer for why you’ve had to turn down all those invites to German pee parties.

So what causes asparagus pee? Asparagus, dammit. You can blame the pee-r for possessing the gene that creates the odor or the pee-e for having the enzyme that allows them to smell it, but at the end of the day it’s still those little shit sticks’ fault. No other food makes me the odd man out when we’re playing swords.

The dumbest art installations ever

June 21, 2013, 3:00 pm

≫ Next: Caroline Wozniacki, Laura Robson and Maria Kirilenko get sexy for adidas

≪ Previous: The mystery of ‘asparagus pee’ finally solved

$

0

0

truTV

The say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but we’re not sure what to think about these 15 very odd art installations.

Caroline Wozniacki, Laura Robson and Maria Kirilenko get sexy for adidas

June 21, 2013, 3:20 pm

≫ Next: Lyndall Jarvis shows why she was once voted ‘sexiest’

≪ Previous: The dumbest art installations ever

$

0

0

Caroline Wozniacki, Laura Robson and Maria Kirilenko are three of the sexiest women in the world of tennis, so putting them together in a new video was probably the best idea adidas has had all year. The three tennis stars are promoting the new Stella McCartney barricade FW13 collection for Wimbledon and the US Open, or something. Of course, the best part is the fact that they’re shown playing tennis in slower-than-usual motion. If tennis telecasts tried doing this more often during matches I bet ratings would go up. Slow-mo. Just a thought.

Lyndall Jarvis shows why she was once voted ‘sexiest’

June 21, 2013, 3:40 pm

≫ Next: Girl reacting to new Dada Life song is the most awkward thing you’ve ever seen

≪ Previous: Caroline Wozniacki, Laura Robson and Maria Kirilenko get sexy for adidas

$

0

0

Lyndall Jarvis was named the sexiest woman in South Africa in 2009. Need you know more? Yes, in a country where Charlize Theron, Candice Boucher, Genevieve Morton, and Candice Swanepoel (among many, many others) exist, Lyndall Jarvis was voted the sexiest by FHM South Africa (and the have the smoking hot pictures to show exactly why that was). So when I ran into this recent video shot by our new favorite Web site South African Swimsuit my interest was piqued and I watched it, and wow, I was not disappointed. She might still be the sexiest woman in South Africa. Can someone get this woman a job in the States pronto, please?

Photo credit: YouTube/SA Swimsuit