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Paulina Gretzky got a helper monkey that will probably hump her

June 27, 2013, 1:45 pm
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Paulina Gretzky Paulina Gretzky got a helper monkey that will probably hump her

Instagram/Paulina Gretzky


It appears Paulina Gretzky got a monkey which is totally unfair because I want a monkey. I asked Guyism to get me one that would grab me beer from the fridge and do cool stuff like throw poop on people. But no.

Do you know how awesome it would be if I had a monkey around? Do know how many awesome GIFs I could make?

Oh, hey guys, here’s the monkey in a tuxedo eating Taco Bell. Oh, hey, here he is challenging me to a push up contest. Wait, yea, that’s him humping a Kate Upton poster.

Ugh. So many possibilities. I envy you Paulina Gretzky. Also, I love you. But it’s like jealous love. Also, I enjoy your boobs. Thank you.

(h/t: The Big Lead)

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What to watch tonight: NBA draft, ‘Burn Notice’

June 27, 2013, 2:00 pm
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Bur Notice What to watch tonight: NBA draft, Burn Notice

USA


Tonight sucks unless you like the NBA draft. If that’s the case, enjoy. If not, go play outside.

Conan @ 11pm, TBS: Outspoken NFL punter Chris Kluwe makes an appearance.

NBA Draft @ 7:30pm, ESPN

Burn Notice @ 9pm, USA

Hell’s Kitchen @ 8pm, FOX

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Late Night Diner Bingo is a drunken good time

June 27, 2013, 2:20 pm
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Eating at a diner after a night of drinking is a great way to prevent a hangover, but it’s also an endless source of entertainment. Late Night Diner Bingo is the best way to ensure you appreciate those oddities during 4th meal. I don’t know where our friends at Mandatory are eating, but that’s where I want to be.

late night diner bingo Late Night Diner Bingo is a drunken good time

Mandatory

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Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

June 27, 2013, 2:40 pm
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In today’s Must See Imagery we have some furry creatures, hilarious memes, sexy photobombs, and more! Aggregating content from the web’s hottest sources: Facebook, Tumblr, Imgur (often via Reddit), amongst others, we’re able to save you those precious man hours that can be used for things like grilling red meat, or wondering who the hell that sexy girl was in that commercial you just saw. If you come across any photos you think should be included in this daily feature then head on over HERE and post them to our Facebook wall, and I’ll be sure to include them (provided they don’t suck, and you actually understand what funny is).


Yes, it is a sign from above.


Can you sense my alcoholic tendencies poking their way to the surface today?


Yup, life isn’t going your way.


Seriously though, I want an explanation.


Early childhood rearing in a nutshell.


Run to the hills.


I honestly cannot say that I have.


How long is he going to pretend to be a rabbit?


What the balls is that man in the back wearing?


That’s me, I’m the whisperer.


Oh, well that explains that.


Aka, the Heaven Burger.


He’s the man.


So. Damn. Beautiful.


I 100% support this idea.


I’m sure that felt wonderful.

RMO0FBPl Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

Imgur/Pennock12


Amen to that.

cltfLWWl Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

Imgur/jbennett0043


They’re talking about ana’s lex, also I might be dyslexic.

aSUe9vyl Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

Imgur/Itchy_Craphole


Even bear-dogs recognize how awesome boobs are.

PVhURDel Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

Imgur/Imeages


Dudes, not cool!

GqEoCMxl Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

Imgur/clark6050


SAVE OUR TROOPS!

lkuKJhXl Must See Imagery: 23 hilarious pics to get you through Thursday

Imgur/bleufoxx22


Take all my money now!




If you enjoyed this and want more amazing content then be sure to GO LIKE US ON FACEBOOK for an endless stream of hilarity!
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The 5 most boring things about strip clubs

June 27, 2013, 3:00 pm
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strip clubs The 5 most boring things about strip clubs

MTV Guy Code

So many guys pretend that strip clubs are perfect and awesome. Sorry, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Let’s be honest: a lot of things about strip clubs are just downright boring.

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Shane van der Westhuizen has a really long name, no top

June 27, 2013, 3:15 pm
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6PljKGz Shane van der Westhuizen has a really long name, no top

Shane van der Westhuizen, as you may or may nor recall, is the sexy actress in the bikini in that Axe Apollo commercial with the astronaut. So when I saw her posing topless in this video I figured I would share. Granted this video is from a few months ago, but it’s new to me and did I mention that it’s Shane van der Westhuizen, the sexy actress in the bikini from that Axe Apollo commercial with the astronaut? One of the best commercials ever made? And that she’s pretty much topless? Which is, uh, awesome? I don’t know where Shane van der Westhuizen finished in FHM South Africa’s voting for their 100 Sexiest Women in the World issue, but if she isn’t in the top 20 there needs to be a recount.

Shane van der Westhuizen boobs 135x95 Shane van der Westhuizen has a really long name, no top Shane van der Westhuizen boob pic 135x95 Shane van der Westhuizen has a really long name, no top Shane van der Westhuizen model 135x95 Shane van der Westhuizen has a really long name, no top Shane van der Westhuizen 135x95 Shane van der Westhuizen has a really long name, no top

Photo credit: YouTube/FHM

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Rouge Sucette: The first cola flavored wine

June 27, 2013, 3:30 pm
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9066834755 2cc8d7d470 o Rouge Sucette: The first cola flavored wine

A French company has created Rouge Sucette, the world’s first cola flavored wine. Maybe the French aren’t so bad after all!

Pauline Lacombe, marketing director for Hausmann Famille, said the drink, which translated into English means ‘red lollipop’, is aimed at younger drinkers and women. “We did a lot of taste tests and we think it could work for the ‘Coke generation’.”

I don’t know exactly who the Coke generation is, but they’re about to be much less sober. Sure they could just keep adding whiskey like the rest of us, but this way they can pretend to be classy while getting drunk.

I don’t really see this taking off with women. Ladies are all about the real wine unless you call it dessert.

The cola-flavored wine, which is 75% grapes and 25% water and aromas, is only 9% ABV. This could be the end of women’s standard chorus, “I don’t know how I got so drunk, I only had two glasses of wine!” Of course that usually means they had 4 or 5, so they will probably still be tipsy.

via Just-Drinks photo by Danroc

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Sly and Arnold team up in ‘Escape Plan’ trailer

June 27, 2013, 3:45 pm
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Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger team up to break out of super-jail in Escape Plan. Yes, 50 Cent is in the movie, but it the trailer looks surprisingly good.

Arnold and Sly are doing their best to resurrect some semblance of a career. Not much is working outside of The Expendables franchise though. Could Escape Plan be their ticket back to mainstream action? Who knows, but it’s certainly has a better chance than The Last Stand or Bullet to the Head. Adding Jim Caviezel and Vinnie Jones certainly doesn’t hurt their cause either as they both excel at playing tough guy parts without hamming it up.

Speaking of Arnold Schwarzeneggar going to jail.

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Korean pop singer goes to kiss fan, gets shut down in awkwardest way

June 27, 2013, 4:00 pm
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You always see American R&B dudes inviting girls on stage and molesting them in some fashion. Not the case in Korea, apparently, as singer Taeyang shows in this awkward video with a fan during a concert.

Appropriately, the song is titled “I Need A Girl”. He may want to release a remix titled “How Is Psy Getting Laid And I’m Not”. Set a melody to that shit and we’re onto something.

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GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?

June 27, 2013, 4:30 pm
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GpZsTWp GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?

So who is this woman? HINT: she was once named the most beautiful woman in the world. You’ll have to click through the GIF to find out.

Welcome to GIFterpiece Theatre–Guyism’s daily installment of the internet’s best GIFs. Check out some of our favorites from the world of celebs, TV, sports and humor.

15Um, wow

nYR5lbi GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


14 Boob shot

IXXvt2u GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


13 Here’s a cat body surfing

KRkob GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


12 Something’s coming out of her vagina

qQ3gmPz GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


11 Messed him up

XOO4phs GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


10 Darwin

bWPlqg5 GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


9 What a boss move

vqXlWQI GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


8 Did you see our tribute to camel toe today?

0f9SXjv GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


7 Sooner or later someone will throw a kick

2Uqp9uP GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


6 Surprise ending

HDZS12B GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


5 Important bouncing GIF

7H6f3tg GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


4 So she’s pretty good at what she does

GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?f


3 Epic flop

6ZkuKGL GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


2 Good ol’ stapler prank

JIE0m7F GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


1 So what?

ieX09HW GIFterpiece Theatre: Who is this mysterious woman?


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Lucas Nogueira is a member of the All-Hair team

June 27, 2013, 6:33 pm
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Lucas Nogueira hair 640x343 Lucas Nogueira is a member of the All Hair team

ESPN


The Boston Celtics selected Lucas Nogueira of Brazil with the 16th pick. Lucas is a 7-footer with unbelievable athleticism and oh my God, look at his hair.

ktzdjKP Lucas Nogueira is a member of the All Hair team
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Alec Baldwin loses his mind on Twitter, threatens journalist’s life

June 27, 2013, 8:00 pm
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Alec Baldwin just let loose on a Daily Mail writer named George Stark on Twitter. At issue is an article Stark wrote insinuating that Baldwin’s wife tweeted during James Gandolfini’s funeral.

A brief excerpt from Stark’s piece:

It may not be considered funeral etiquette, but Alec Baldwin and his heavily pregnant wife Hilaria took to Twitter during James Gandolfini’s service today.

The pregnant yoga instructor’s social media feed was full of upbeat posts while the Sopranos star’s friends, family and co-stars were gripped with grief at a New York Catholic church.

Messages included a request for ideas about wedding anniversary presents and promotional notes about her upcoming appearance on the Rachael Ray show.

Baldwin responded in kind by eviscerating Stark on Twitter. A curb stomp not seen since American History X.

The Daily Mail is Britain’s version of TMZ, a dysfunctional gossip rag with writers that spew diarrhea on a screen and call it news. Perhaps, and I don’t know, call me crazy here, Mrs. Baldwin had somebody tweeting for her during the funeral. Someone who wasn’t there.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there. Why are you thinking out of the box?

I’m normally anti-Baldwin but this, nah, I support the ornery bastard here.

*Clarification: I support his anger towards the Daily Mail not the specific words he used.

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Corey Crawford is a man of few words, most of which are profane

June 28, 2013, 10:50 am
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Corey Crawford said 32 words at the Blackhawks Stanley Cup parade this afternoon. Most of it was incoherent, some of it was profane, all of it was awesome.

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25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs

June 28, 2013, 11:00 am
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ziSgIgD 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


This week’s GIFs salute features the lovely Genesis Rodriguez, pantless Miley Cyrus and a mystery woman.

25 Her shirt doesn’t seem to fit

MeK8DWI 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


24 Solid camera pan

uuYkveE 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


23 Important Genesis Rodriguez update

Tdpqz7O 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs7VaS7tj 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


22 Click through for an HD guide to camel toe

0f9SXjv 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


21 Must be before Labor Day

iGw4ZDX 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


20 Is this a perfect GIF?

7H6f3tg 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


19 Hot or not: Mysterious woman edition (clicked through to find out who)

GpZsTWp 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


18 We said goodbye to our beloved Katie Nolan this week

ejDMKBk 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


17 Is this even a GIF?

oHFttkm 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


16 WHERE. ARE. YOUR. PANTS?

3olDXEZ 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


15 Just a nibble

TsYpR 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


14 Olivia Munn walking looped forever

9ayir 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


13 HOT: Ronda Rousey undressing

G4VSP 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


12 Boobs, no head

KivVixR 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


11 Now this looks like a fashion show I’d go to

UC2vDeA 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


10 Diddling the door jam

caDRJ 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


9 But are they vaccinated against herpes?

qMO6X 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


8 Just as cool as the Kate Upton panoramic GIF

A3vAC2N 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


7 No wonder Mario worked so hard

ouwfBgk 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


6 Have mercy

zfOWSvZ 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


5 South African swimsuit hottie Careen Truter

wrPotb5 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


4 There’s an arrow coming out of her vagina

qQ3gmPz 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


3 Bree Kleintop is a world class surfer

7w5XKfT 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


2 Stay tuned for a Guyism exclusive video of Jenny Nguyen

1Tzmn9w 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFsHYsvXlt 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


1 Maria Menounos boob bounce

AboreCh 25 Animated GIF Salute: Your weekly tribute to hot chick GIFs


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Introducing Chet and Megan – Guyism Speed Round for June 28

June 28, 2013, 11:10 am
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This is a man running 25 MPH on a treadmill

June 28, 2013, 11:15 am
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Arizona Cardinals rookie WR Robert Gill isn’t a household name. But if he can somehow turn his ability on a treadmill into something on a football field, he might just be worth something.

The 29-year-old undrafted free agent isn’t expected to make the team. Fortunately, he’s got a great future ahead in running away from hungry coyotes with an affinity for ACME products.

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15 hilarious ‘you’ve been cut off’ drunk stories

June 28, 2013, 11:30 am
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youve been cut off 15 hilarious ‘you’ve been cut off’ drunk stories

BroBible

If you like to drink, chances are high you’ve either been cut off from a bar or witnessed someone get cut off from a bar. But how do your stories compare to these epic events?

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First clip from ‘Nymphomaniac’

June 28, 2013, 11:45 am
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With a title like that, what do you think the movie’s about? Lars Von Trier is one of those guys who just puts his balls to the wall with every movie, and his filmography has included some truly unforgettable and envelope-pushing moments. His latest, Nymphomaniac, looks to keep the streak going. The flick stars a huge cast, including Charlotte Gainsbourg, Shia LaBeouf, Jamie Bell, Uma Thurman, Willem Dafoe, Stellan Skarsgård, Christian Slater and Connie Nielsen. It’s about a woman recounting her 50 year sexual history to a man she just met. Here’s the first clip, which features Stacy Martin as the woman as a girl learning about exactly what boys will do for sex. Nymphomaniac has no release date set yet.

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Twitter Crazy: This week’s best celebrity tweets

June 28, 2013, 12:00 pm
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CELEBS ON TWITTER MAIN Twitter Crazy: This weeks best celebrity tweets

eldh, Flickr

Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.



Photo credit: eldh, Flickr




When you say you’re leaking something, you’re not leaking something.



That fucking Dylan. What a jerk.



Thank you, Professor Canseco.



I wondered why my neighbors looked at me funny.




Of course they did.




They really need to work on their retention plan.




That would show some true interest in helping America.




Been there.




Good story.



How does she know how soft that is?



Politicians are so smart.




I hope she isn’t talking to me.



That’s because TV news blows.



Case closed then.




Actual conversation.




Best OJ – Hernandez joke of the week.



That’d just be cruel and unusual.



Troll so hard.



Three valuable lessons.



Suckers…



Gonna have to really scrub to get that stink off.



Ever.



Me every day.




Smart move.




And in some cases pre-school.

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Woman goes absolutely nuts, gets thrown into pool twice and arrested

June 28, 2013, 12:15 pm
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There’s crazy and then there’s tearing down a fence to yell at you some more crazy. This woman is setting all sorts of world records for female insanity.

She was so much more resilient the first time she got thrown out of the pool. The second time she just looked so defeated. I’d feel bad for her if there weren’t a virtual certainty that she would still claw my eyes out and yell at me excessively for merely existing.

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