Twitter Crazy: This (short) week’s best celebrity tweets

Pretty psyched about the quality and quantity of my zits today.

— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 19, 2012

Now that’s positive thinking.

Choosy moms don’t choose Jif. They choose organic almond butter or some shit and then they don’t shut up about it.

— chris pratt (@prattprattpratt) November 19, 2012

Sound familiar to anyone?

It seems like the only time I use my house phone is when I need it to call my cell phone when I can’t locate it. Am I alone in this?

— Kharma (@Kharma) November 19, 2012

No.

I like humans. They’re just not my absolute favourite animal.

— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) November 19, 2012

I’d put them about fifth on my list.

Shower song o the day : Lykke Li, Dance Dance Dance. Oh Lykke, you fabulous.

— olivia wilde (@oliviawilde) November 19, 2012

Okay. So we know she sings in the shower. Note made.

POLL RESULTS (1183 VOTES): What size TV do you watch your games on? Top vote was 55 inch (23.7%), followed by 42 inch (21%)

— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) November 19, 2012

What size TV do you watch the games on?

Sometimes I’ll drive with my left tires over the lane bumps, just to remind myself I’m alive.

— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) November 19, 2012

By Friday you may need to do this as well.

Finished all of my Christmas shopping today! Its feels sooo good! Now I need to pick a wrapping paper theme!

— Kim Kardashian (@KimKardashian) November 19, 2012

Have you picked your wrapping paper theme yet?

Ugh. I just remembered that grown-ups call Thanksgiving “Turkey Day.”

— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) November 19, 2012

I call it stuff myself, watch football, and sleep on the couch day.

GARY BETTMAN DUMB BITCH

— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) November 19, 2012

I didn’t know The Sheik was a hockey fan.

hey everybody, YOLO, right?

— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) November 19, 2012

He better just be fucking with us.

Ke$ha scares me. It’s like she’s lip-syncing right at me.

— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) November 20, 2012

You’re not alone. She scares a lot of people.

I would watch a puppet show about Elmo’s attorney.

— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) November 20, 2012

It would be PBS’ new hit show.

Twitter is great cuz it’s really the best forum on which one should express & debate opinions about what’s going on in the Middle East

— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) November 20, 2012

No, Facebook is actually better for that.

Don’t even FRONT like you love your family, America, or God if you don’t have a DETAILED & REHEARSED Black Friday tactical shopping plan.

— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 20, 2012

He’s right, you know?

Reading about paula broadwell threatening jill kelley over patraeus. This sounds more and more like an episode of basketball wives

— David Spade (@DavidSpade) November 20, 2012

Did he just admit he has watched Basketball Wives?

After hearing about Elmo’s escapades it’s no wonder Oscar is such a grouch….jealous bitch.

— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) November 20, 2012

Joan Rivers, ladies and gentlemen!

Maybe this: imdb.com/name/nm2578007/ RT @kimkardashian Woke up today irritated & annoyed. Not sure why.

— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) November 20, 2012

Burn.

I’m already annoyed with the media’s coverage of “Black Friday”.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 20, 2012

Join the club.

Headed to my parents house. Anyone know if you can hook an ipad up to dial-up?

— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) November 20, 2012

I’m sure there’s an app for that.

Today is going to be the best day of my life.

— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 20, 2012

I wonder how that worked out.

So the NCAA basketball scoring record was shattered by a little white guy. Well played Mayans, well played.

— Gregory Shane Helms (@ShaneHelmsCom) November 21, 2012

Yep. It’s all over now.

What’s a good app for interacting with my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table?

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 21, 2012

Have a good Turkey Day, folks! (Oops.)