eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
What’s the right age to tell your kids Santa Claus isn’t real and clowns are murderers?
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 17, 2012
I believe it’s 32.
We should all pitch in and buy a huge humidifier for the planet.It’s dry up in here.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 17, 2012
I’ll chip in 10 bucks.
<– never gets laid…&the 2nd I do? I find out my birth control is almost out&need new prescription #irony #protectagainstnothing !
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) December 17, 2012
I’ll chip in 10 bucks and help with the other part.
O that 2 mins after a movie ends when I’m secretly pretending I livein that time/place/genre
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) December 18, 2012
Been there, done that.
Trying to think of a gentle way to break it to the radio that I may not love The Foo Fighters as much as it believes.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) December 18, 2012
Funny, my radio thinks I love Katy Perry.
Only 7 more shopping days until I give my family cash for Christmas.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) December 18, 2012
Cash really is the best way to say how much you care.
In light of Newtown, our country has to pull together.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 18, 2012
‘Deep Thoughts’ from The Donald.
Kanye make the good music but his girlfriend look like racoon in her ass
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) December 18, 2012
Best description of Kim Kardashian all week.
Shopping for a Xmas gift for my mom and the sales lady keeps suggesting I get her a pearl necklace. I may explode from holding in laughter.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 18, 2012
Why? Moms like pearl necklaces.
Who do I write to at Instagram to buy all those photos of my friend Geoff?
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) December 18, 2012
Be careful. He might boycott Instagram so you can’t.
Today’s NY football headlines: 1) Mark Sanchez receives death threats; 2) Victor Cruz visits family of Newtown victim. Perspective.
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) December 19, 2012
Seems about right.
Whatever company is marketing Linsday Lohan’s Bar Mitzvah, Wedding and “appearances” FYI, if she’s not available, I’m free for all that!
— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) December 19, 2012
How awesome would it be to have Lindsay Lohan at your wedding?
Currently enjoying our annual “YOU fucking address the Christmas cards” argument with my wife.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 19, 2012
I love holiday traditions.
I just watch the porn for the story development
— Kayden Kross (@Kayden_Kross) December 19, 2012
Who doesn’t?
I make my real life friends send me friend requests by mail.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) December 19, 2012
Not a bad policy.
Just a thought if you cooked at home on the 1st date you’ve actually skipped 3 bases putting yourself in scoring position strategically…
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) December 19, 2012
And he’s scored a lot.
Planning a dinner for end-of-world Friday. I think I’ll serve wine from 2000 & from other end-of-world years that have passed
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 19, 2012
That’s going to be a lot to eat and drink.
It would REALLY suck if the world actually did end on Friday.
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) December 19, 2012
Yes, that would suck.
CNN: Thousands of Mayan students expected to skip their homework tonight.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) December 20, 2012
Oooh, they’re going to be in trouble now.
“Miss Universe? Puhleeze. Maybe Miss EARTH!” says Miss Neptune as she tosses aside the morning paper and calls her publicist.
— Mo Rocca (@MoRocca) December 20, 2012
Hey, if the NBA can call their winners at year-end the World Champions…
Santa is immortal right? Cuz we don’t talk about that aspect enough.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) December 20, 2012
Never really thought about that until now.
MAYAN APOCALYPSE**Card Subject to Change**
— Gregory Shane Helms (@ShaneHelmsCom) December 20, 2012
Damn, and we paid good money for the tickets to see it.
When Santa dies, I’m going to tell everyone how he touched me and that the BBC knew.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) December 20, 2012
Sorry, we’ve already established that he’s immortal.
Funny… I don’t FEEL like I died in a fiery apocalypse… maybe I’m doing it wrong.
— Eric Arceneaux (@EricArceneaux) December 21, 2012
Yes, this was quite a letdown.
There are going to be a lot of Mayans saying “Just kidding” today.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) December 21, 2012
Good one.