eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Let’s all stop saying “Pics or it didn’t happen.”
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) November 5, 2012
That’s a platform I can get behind.
Initiate WEREWOLF PROTOCOLS for the 1/2 of America that goes crazy post-election. Chain them to radiators away from the internet.
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) November 5, 2012
Good thing he was thinking ahead or it could have been worse.
I would like to publicly state my support for Some Sex Marriage.
— Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) November 5, 2012
Was that on the ballot?
Who’s ready to vote tomorrow? I’ve got my outfit laid out! Send me a photo of your outfit when you’re at the polls, and I’ll RT my faves!
— Katy Perry (@katyperry) November 5, 2012
What you wear to vote is important.
If I was a pigeon, I would never stop shitting on people.I wouldn’t even take breaks to fly.
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) November 5, 2012
I think some of them already do that.
Remember to VOTE tomorrow, 11/6. Or if you’re a Democrat, nevermind, forget I said anything, look over there, is that a new shirt?
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) November 6, 2012
Sneaky.
We’re all on edge, biting our nails, the stakes are that high. Yes, today is the day that will determine the fate of Nate Silver.
— Mo Rocca (@MoRocca) November 6, 2012
And he came through unscathed again.
Why the fuck do they put sofas in womens bathrooms
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) November 6, 2012
For naps?
good luck today Florida! try not to pull a “Florida”
— daniel tosh (@danieltosh) November 6, 2012
Somehow they did okay this time.
An old lady who lives at the senior place I’m voting in yelled out her room “Shut up!” to a crying baby. She’s prob a hologram of my future.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) November 6, 2012
The future can be pretty scary.
I pray my 68 year-old Chinese neighbor is talking politics when she says she’s looking forward to today’s erection.
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) November 6, 2012
That’s not so odd. I say that every day.
Working out my voting outfit now. Ass-less chaps, or MC Hammer pants?
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) November 6, 2012
I don’t think that’s what Katy Perry had in mind.
Me: don’t use my toothpaste. Wife:if you use my vagina, I can use your toothpaste.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) November 6, 2012
End of argument.
Regardless of who you’re voting for today, do the right thing & write me in for Michigan Drain Commissioner. The madness must stop.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) November 6, 2012
And the madness rolls on.
Feeling sooooo turned on by exercising my rights!! VOTE.lockerz.com/s/259377289
— Alison Brie (@alisonbrie) November 6, 2012
I beg you to click that link above and look at the photo.
Fuck all this bullshit…including my own. This year I’ll be following the election via @theonion news site.
— Ellen Barkin (@EllenBarkin) November 6, 2012
They probably had more accurate coverage anyway.
“2016.Get ready.” — Hillary Clinton, texting quietly to Cory Booker
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 7, 2012
You know it’s true.
VOTER FRAUD ALERT: my voting machine turned my vote for President Obama into a large Slushee and a bag of pizza Combos.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 6, 2012
Well, that’s more than I got.
Ahhhhhhhh. A new day. I can move forward without celebrities telling me what to do all day. #thedayafter
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) November 7, 2012
Hallelujah!
Nice try old lady with the prominent exercise pants camel toe, but even you can’t bring me down today.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) November 7, 2012
That’s the spirit!
Monas are rolling loudies, and my bitches so Bvalgari!! Bodies of Dulcattis’ll do what the fuck you want! #UNAPOLOGETIC
— Rihanna (@rihanna) November 7, 2012
You tell ‘em, Ri-Ri. (I think.)
Following someone on Twitter and complaining about what they tweet about is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) November 7, 2012
I’ve done that.
Well, now that everyone is done being a psycho about the election…it”s time to focus on the freaks who think our world is ending in Dec!
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) November 7, 2012
You just had to bring that up didn’t you?
NYC had a hurricane last week.A blizzard this week.Not looking forward to next week’s earthquake.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 7, 2012
Should be fun.
Golf is a great “sport” for men whose hanging bellies render their penises inaccessible.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 8, 2012
Tiger would probably disagree.
I started to get very worried about Mitt’s chances when I heard that A-Rod donated to his campaign. Everything A-Rod touches turns bad.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 8, 2012
True. Just look at Madonna.
Wife went out of town and now there’s cat puke on the floor. I suppose I’ll wait until the dishwasher is full before burning the place down.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) November 8, 2012
Sounds like a solid plan.
It’s national positive attitude day. We are all winners
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) November 8, 2012
Well, not all of us, but it’s a nice sentiment.