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We all know that women will often complain about a problem and prefer that instead of making suggestions to fix it, you just listen as they sit there basting themselves in the juices of their own self-indulgent whining. Wait a second, that’s men too. But surely we also know that stereotype about women who say what they don’t mean and mean what they don’t say? Like when they say, “I’m fine,” or “I want a nice guy.” Well, for the dudes who find themselves in a situation where they’re getting the dreaded “no” for anything from sex to things other than sex, here are some things women actually means when they say “no.”
6 She Actually Means “Yes”
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She seems upset; maybe at you, maybe not…it doesn’t really matter. Asking her if she’s upset is a great way to make her upset if she’s not upset, and to make her more upset if she is already upset. She’ll probably say “no,” which really means “yes.” Or more specifically, “yes, you dumb a-hole.” If your tingling man-senses are telling you not to ask, do yourself a favor and give it some time.
Example:
Guy: “You seem upset. Are you? If not, would you like to be?”
5 She Actually Means “Only If”
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Is it a flat “no,” or did she say “no” and then sort of trail off? There are stipulations here! Better find out what they are so you can get that sweet, sweet “yes.”
Example:
Guy: “Can we act out what’s happening in every illustration of the Kama Sutra tonight?”
Girl: “No.”
Guy: “Aw, c’mon.”
Girl: “Okay, but only if it doesn’t involve us using Indian food during our love-making, like last time.”
4 She Actually Means “Hell No”
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Why did you even ask whatever you asked, you dumb ass? Sometimes you already know what the answer is going to be, so don’t even try.
Example:
Guy: “You’re looking slightly less bloated than usual, are you sure you won’t try to fit into that hot dress for our night out?”
3 She Actually Means “Not Now”
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Did she sound busy or in a hurry? You may not be asking at the right time. Try again when you’ve got her attention and she’s in a good mood.
Example:
Guy: “Sex?”
Girl: “No, I’m trying to brush my teeth.”
Guy: “But that’s the best time for it…”
2 She Actually Means “Get the Fuck Away From Me”
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If a woman says “no” just as you’re opening your mouth to pose your query, just get the fuck away from her.
Example:
“Hi, I’m-”
“NO.”
“-afraid of you.”
1 She Actually Means “No”
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Sometime she really just means no. Know the difference. The more you know. Know your enemy. Other things that have to do with the word “no.”
Example:
“What are you in the mood for tonight, Thai or barbecue?”
“No.”
(Dafuq?)