eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
It's hard to run with a toothbrush in your pocket. #advice
— CM Punk (@CMPunk) July 22, 2013
Good to know.
I just tried to "like" a text message.
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) July 22, 2013
Who hasn’t?
"I don't even care." Me, on the royal baby, as I furiously scroll twitter for updates
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 22, 2013
For shame.
Do you think she'll keep it?
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) July 22, 2013
And would it still be a “Royal” baby?
Am I properly understanding the new Erin Andrews commercial? She calls a huddle to talk about poop pills and then never calls a play?
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) July 22, 2013
Yes, that’s it in a nutshell.
At this very moment the future monarch is crowning.
— Mo Rocca (@MoRocca) July 22, 2013
“Crowning” … get it?
My life has been a caravan of pain and fear for decades. But the royal baby will turn it all around.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 22, 2013
Said thousands to themselves this week.
My plan is to listen to your plan and then ignore it completely
— ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) July 22, 2013
Hey, that’s my plan too!
I have never seen so many people thinking about one particular vagina at once
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 22, 2013
Where’s Guinness when you need them?
I can't believe they've already priced the baby. 8 pounds isn't even that much :( #RoyalBaby
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 22, 2013
Does seem low.
If they name it "North", Kanye is gonna be pissed. #royalbaby
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) July 22, 2013
That’s reason enough to have done it.
#RoyalBabyBoy have bigger dick than Geraldo
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) July 22, 2013
And we almost had photographic proof. *shudder*
"I realize now…" and right there I checked out.
— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) July 22, 2013
Regarding Ryan Braun’s “apology.”
I just sliced an apple with a plastic spoon. I feel like I accomplished something.
— Mary E. Winstead (@M_E_Winstead) July 22, 2013
Good job, Mary Elizabeth.
The warlock fight over the Royal Baby's first stool will be tremendous. It's the main component in a Levitation spell.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 23, 2013
I only hope it airs on free TV.
Peds created captain america so y r they so bad again
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) July 23, 2013
Jose America
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) July 23, 2013
The superhero we didn’t know we needed.
Von Miller? 4 game suspension? Allegedly for rolling w/ MOLLY? Time to bump some Skrillex and pass out glow-sticks .Jungle @CBSSportsRadio
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) July 23, 2013
Who doesn’t like glow sticks?
How happy is @GeraldoRivera right now about Carlos Danger.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 23, 2013
The superhero we didn’t know we needed.
If Kate and William don't name their baby 'Carlos Danger' I'm never traveling to London again.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 23, 2013
And yet another good name suggestion gets ignored.
When you're at a press conference confessing your sins and your wife looks at you lovingly and you avert her gaze, it's very telling.
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) July 24, 2013
Quick: Ryan Braun or Anthony Weiner?
Just now 2 encounters on 1st Ave. A fmr addict thanked me for saving her yrs ago with a special I did; another lady told me to stop tweeting
— Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) July 24, 2013
I gotta go with the second lady.
Hey baby… is that a phone in your pocket or is your penis just really square?
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) July 24, 2013
I hope that was a rhetorical question.
"R.I.P. R.I.P.D." — something 157 movie reviewers thought of at the same time
— Megan Ganz (@meganganz) July 25, 2013
No, it was wayyy more than that.
@jimmyfallon Congrats on your baby!! I bought it some weed. Too soon?
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) July 25, 2013
Never too soon.
"I'm so fucked." – what sick kids must be thinking when their favorite athlete walks into their hospital room
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 25, 2013
I never thought of it that way before.
Nick Hogan getting ready to take over the DJ booth at LIV in Miami totally wack brother. HH
— Hulk Hogan (@HulkHogan) July 26, 2013
Hulk Hogan, age 59, said “totally wack” … brother.