JeHu68, Flickr
Sure, big breasts are great and most women who have them like them, but did you know that there are some pretty big reasons that women hate their big breasts? (Whaaaaaat? I know, right?!?) I read up on the subject up, then spoke to a friend of mine (let’s call her Ari) whose breasts are so large that they would surely cripple her if she was in poor shape. Ari and I spent some time discussing the cons of having sweater puppies so big that you practically have to keep them on a leash. Ladies, what are your least favorite things about having big breasts, besides feeling like without the proper support you’d be thrust into an endless forward tumble?
Photo credit: JeHu68, Flickr
8 If Women Were Men, They Wouldn’t Even Want a Woman With Big Boobs
Jacrews7, Flickr
According to a recent study conducted by a cosmetic surgeon and psychologist from the University of Regensburg in Germany, women with large bust sizes consider medium sizes more eye-catching, underestimating their own attractiveness to men. Men, of course have a mind-set of “the bigger the better” when it comes to a woman’s chesticles.
Photo credit: Jacrews7, Flickr
7 Clothes Don’t Fit
Westside Shooter, Flickr
It can be hard for big-breasted ladies to find clothes that fit, sure, but even clothing they think may look good in theory actually look odd once their world-sized globes are pushing outward from inside. Ari gives us a great example: “Wearing a turtleneck turns you into a wall of boobs”.
Photo credit: Westside Shooter, Flickr
6 Big Breasts are Expensive
Daquella manera, Flickr
Not like plastic surgery expensive; it’s because dressing and protecting them is expensive. This especially goes for quality bras, which cost somewhere between ridiculous and ludicrous. Seriously, they cost as much as a man’s entire outfit (if he doesn’t mind getting his shirt and shoes at Target).
Photo credit: Daquella manera, Flickr
5 They’re Painful
TheChanel, Flickr
Just like having a long dong or a lo wang; having large, unwieldy body parts can cause issues for women too. Running too fast or down a set of stairs, lying on them wrong or experiencing crushing back pain are all good indicators that those funbags are only fun to the people who get to look at them.
Photo credit: TheChanel, Flickr
4 Big Breasts Can be Bad Breasts
SFB579:), Flickr
The classic battle between quality and quantity; big boobs sag with age or can sport nipples so large they look like unevenly sliced deli meat. Breasts can even feel like they’re filled with that stuff you find in bean bags, rather than being firm, pert or Pert Plus, as most big, bra-restrained breasts would have you believe.
Photo credit: SFB579:), Flickr
3 Sports and Exercise Becomes Dangerous
Brett Jordan, Flickr
Sports bras can only do so much in the battle against getting slapped in the face by an errant nipple.
Photo credit: Brett Jordan, Flickr
2 Big Breasted Women are Often Expected to be Promiscuous
electricnerve, Flickr
My friend Ari sometimes chooses to wear more conservative tops because outfits that would look normal on someone else can look kind of slutty on her. “It’s never nice to have a man only focus on my chest.” In other cases, some big-breasted women are promiscuous, because that’s the role they were pigeon-holed into ever since puberty hit them like a fleshy sledgehammer.
Photo credit: electricnerve, Flickr
1 They Can Turn Women Into Vapid Soulless Shells of Human Beings
Irwin-Scott, Flickr
Let’s piggy-back on that last thought… this is all hypothetical, but also possible: When a woman grows up being lauded for her bust size and/or beauty (the two of which are linked somewhat closely for most men) and she continually gets attention for her looks, she can easily find ways to make them work to her advantage. This includes landing a job, getting out of a speeding ticket, getting men to do and buy things for her and more. The way she looks acts to satisfy or at least tease the satisfaction of a primal urge in others, and therefore, she has things handed to her and doesn’t need to develop things like, ohhh I dunno, her personality. On the other hand, a woman with large breasts who doesn’t want to let them define her has to work extra hard to overcome that, so kudos to those ladies.
Photo credit: Irwin-Scott, Flickr
(Previously published on February 22, 2013.)