eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
When you drop food down your shirt, dig for it, look at it, and then quietly eat it, you need to take a long, hard look at your life.
— A.J. (@WWEAJLee) March 18, 2013
Words to live by.
I bet the inside of Tiger Woods’ golf glove smells like hard work and hooker pussy.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 18, 2013
Probably a safe bet.
You can tell Tiger and Lindsey Vonn make a good couple because they posted their dating status to Facebook and Twitter at the same time
— Bruce Arthur (@bruce_arthur) March 18, 2013
It is the true sign of a solid relationship.
Lindsey & I are dating! Sharing this with my 2.7 mil friends on Facebook! Pictures, too! Now, go away. Respect our privacy. –Tiger
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) March 18, 2013
Exactly.
Accountant: “You didn’t make any quarterly payments?” Me: “What’s a quarterly payment?” Then we both laughed.
— Melissa Stetten(@MelissaStetten) March 18, 2013
I bet this scene was repeated in offices all over the U.S. this week.
A man fixing your computer is the new chopping firewood; makes a lady feel safe and warm. #Swoon
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) March 18, 2013
Welcome to the 21st century.
Mugshots are like bowel movements. They’re both awesome but you don’t need to tweet them. #broner
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) March 19, 2013
More words to live by.
At least Donald Trump’s show is helping make the word “celebrity” meaningless.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) March 19, 2013
That’s true. There is that.
Sorry folks, but Donald Trump is far richer and much better looking than dopey @mcuban!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 19, 2013
See what we mean?
Heard this am there is a shortage of #Lululemon pants!?!? #sayitaintso!
— Arielle Kebbel (@ArielleKebbel) March 19, 2013
Echoed by men everywhere this week.
What’s dumber: insisting on calling the play-in games “1st round” or insisting on calling the players “student athletes”? Oh you silly NCAA
— Scott Van Pelt (@notthefakeSVP) March 19, 2013
I’d go with the first one myself.
There are no old fat people. think about it
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 19, 2013
Quite a broad statement there, Jose.
My life is consumed by the constant fight between my lap and the heat coming from my laptop.
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) March 20, 2013
I feel your pain, Ben.
I WILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF. RT @nymag: Justin Timberlake might abandon his fashion label. nym.ag/160lmzg
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 20, 2013
Seems a little drastic, but then again it is JT we’re talking about here.
Let’s all chill out about Obama taking a couple minutes to fill out brackets. It didn’t stop him from getting to Israel this AM.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) March 20, 2013
NO! HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY FUN!
If you talk shit to my mom I will find you and I will stalk you and I will do all I can to ruin you. I have both the time and the money.
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 20, 2013
Note to self: Always be nice to her mom.
Just saw a guy wearing a fanny pack yelling at his kid. Hey dad, the air of authority deserts you once you strap on the old bum bag…
— Chris Jericho (@IAmJericho) March 20, 2013
Yet another life lesson for you.
On stage with @official_flo #samsungsmarttv twitter.com/KateUpton/stat…
— Kate Upton (@KateUpton) March 21, 2013
Samsung really knows how to party.
OMG IT’S THROWBACK THURSDAY QUICK EVERYBODY FIND A SELFIE FROM 5 WEEKS AGO THAT WE’VE SEEN A MILLION TIMES ALREADY. REALLY IMPORTANT THANKS.
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) March 21, 2013
I don’t think she likes Throwback Thursday on Twitter.
De Violeta Por Ellos on my way to the gym! #nomasviolenciaalosanimales… twitter.com/Roselyn_Sanche…
— Roselyn Sanchez (@Roselyn_Sanchez) March 21, 2013
Steelers fan?
.@amandabynes Where did you get your cheeks pierced? I’m looking to have this done to both my upstairs and downstairs cheeks.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) March 21, 2013
It is a good look.
cold beer tonight i be happy forever #teamsheikie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 21, 2013
Right there with you, Sheik.
I want @drake to murder my vagina
— Amanda Bynes (@AmandaBynes) March 22, 2013
I thought about ending with this one, but…
The Iron Sheik have new girlfriend @amandabynes and today she come over to feed my camel #teamsheikie
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) March 22, 2013
The end.