eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Thanks for watching wwhl tonight guys! I promise next time ill have a few more drinks and be a little less nervous!
— Brooklyn Decker (@BrooklynDecker) March 11, 2013
Brooklyn Decker and a few more drinks? I’m down.
Twitter was invented after the car and the toilet. Thank goodness!
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) March 11, 2013
Amen to that, brother.
Endless summer… #livinandlovinlife instagr.am/p/WqASqawaBz/
— Ashley Tisdale (@ashleytisdale) March 10, 2013
You REALLY need to see this photo.
I’m half naked in Esquire Netherlands this month. Happy Monday. say.ly/FQt5loi
— Melissa Stetten(@MelissaStetten) March 11, 2013
The same applies here.
Papal conclave has begun! So exciting, like the Oscars all over again- we all want to know:Who will win, and who’s dress will he be wearing?
— Bill Maher (@billmaher) March 12, 2013
I’ll bet it was Vera Wang.
Because BOOBS! :-) “@wdcgator: Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?”
— Gregory Shane Helms (@ShaneHelmsCom) March 12, 2013
Nailed it.
St. Patrick’s Day is the Golden Globes of alcohol consumption.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 12, 2013
Just the Golden Globes?
Not a big fan of the whole “pilot comedy routine before takeoff”. Let’s land safely and then maybe have a good laugh, yes?
— Tom Crabtree (@TCrabtree83) March 12, 2013
Shouldn’t this be common knowledge to pilots by now?
Hey Conclave, you fucked up last time. If you don’t pick Wesley Snipes this time we’ll know you’re not truly sorry.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 12, 2013
Guess they’re not sorry.
I bet Tim Tebow is secretly hoping he gets that new Pope gig.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 12, 2013
I think she’d win that bet.
Apollo, new owner of Hostess snack brands, confirms it will continue to make Twinkies, Ding Dongs and HoHos. No word on Sno Balls.
— darren rovell (@darrenrovell) March 12, 2013
Halle-freaking-lujah!
AMENDED: Never remove your wig while performing, unless you’re wearing another wig underneath @rupaulsdragrace
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) March 12, 2013
Words to live by.
Keep in mind: for every pope joke you make, Jesus pushes a kid in a wheelchair out of a helicopter.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 12, 2013
This is, in fact, true.
So happy #blacksmoke is trending; he was so good on “Lost”.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) March 12, 2013
He’s making a comeback.
I think in my live chat tonight, I’m gonna put headphones on my boobs ;) #earmuffs
— Wendy Fiore (@wendyfiore) March 12, 2013
I’ll just leave this here.
Why do we idolize celebrities? If you guys knew how lame most of them were you’d be amazed. Myself included. So lame.
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) March 12, 2013
Adam Levine, you are my new idol.
I have white smoke coming out of my pants.Does that mean new pope is down there?#probnothim #weenerjoke#funny #topical
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) March 13, 2013
Maybe. What’s he doing in there?
The federal definition of a broke ass cripple. dld.bz/cqacE
— Roger Ebert (@ebertchicago) March 13, 2013
Roger Ebert: dropping knowldge.
Missed a real marketing opportunity by not choosing the name Pope Samsung.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 13, 2013
Jerry Jones is so disappointed in him.
Holy smokes these updates are interrupting my television programming. #jesuschrist
— Steve Austin (@steveaustinBSR) March 13, 2013
Stone Cold ain’t worried about no goddamn blasphemy.
My twitter is blowing up with people talking about poop.
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) March 13, 2013
No, Wil, that’s Pope. Easy mistake.
#TheNewPope has a new Harlem Shake video dropping tomorrow. Dont miss it!
— Columbus Short (@ColumbusShort1) March 13, 2013
You think he’s joking?
Is this a good pickup line? “Girl, I’m gonna do to your pussy what Walmart did to small businesses in this once thriving community.”
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 13, 2013
Yes. Yes it is.
i wanna be friends with olivia wilde. but not just normal friends, super friends who brush each other’s hair
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 14, 2013
Someone make this happen.
Scientists have built an Internet for robots. My advice: knock before entering your robot’s bedroom.
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) March 14, 2013
Yes, that could be ugly if you don’t.
I’m insuring my boobs! I’m freezing my eggs! Nope I’m shooting the new season of The Client List! Now that isn’t made up ;)
— Jennifer Love Hewitt (@TheReal_Jlh) March 14, 2013
You mean her boobs aren’t really worth $5 million?