eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
2. If you’re getting paid for anything that has you picking between Gary Busey and Dennis Rodman, it’s time to re-evaluate things.
— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) March 4, 2013
Don’t worry. The Donald knows what he’s doing.
There’s a whole lot of foolishness happening on Twitter today.
— Mr. T (@MrT) March 4, 2013
Just today?
If Dennis Rodman can be in North Korea I can be in Albany New York with Senator Klein
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 4, 2013
What is going on with our world?
Just remember: when God closes a door, you have 15 seconds before the room fills with nerve gas.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) March 4, 2013
I think this might actually be true.
I know!!! Your entire family is wealthy and famous because you made one fuck tape with Ray J!!! Crazy!!! RT @kimkardashian: Wow!!!
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 4, 2013
Girl ain’t lyin’.
“I tried you, but you weren’t at your desk!” – people from the 1920s
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) March 4, 2013
It was much easier to slack off in the ’20s.
#Yankees GM Cashman breaking his ankle skydiving must be the injury equivalent to “sympathy weight” a guy gains when wife’s preggers
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) March 4, 2013
That’s precisely what it is.
It’s ok Apple Maps. You were only like 4 blocks off. That’s almost right there! Keep working hard and one day you can be a big map app too!
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) March 4, 2013
Baby steps…
Sixty percent of pit bull attacks occur between tying the bandana around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) March 4, 2013
FACT.
While celebrating in the ring last night, Ric Flair pelvic thrusted with great purpose in my general direction. I cannot un-see that.
— A.J. (@WWEAJLee) March 5, 2013
Nor should you.
Hey other adult females, are you done with liking vampire shit yet?
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 5, 2013
Well, are you?
U bastards that keep giving me shit about singing the national anthem twenty years ago can kiss my black ass. I’m sick of your bullshit.STFU
— Roseanne Barr (@TheRealRoseanne) March 5, 2013
This just in: Roseanne is black.
The world is over-populated.So, please remove yourself if you think “should’ve” is an abbreviation for “should of” and not “should have.”
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) March 5, 2013
I support this move.
Things that make me unusually angry #27: when pregnant women pose with their hand cupping the bottom of their stomach.
— Melissa Stetten(@MelissaStetten) March 6, 2013
I don’t find that unusual at all.
I found a tampon on the streets of Amsterdam. Do I make a wish?
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) March 6, 2013
Yes, it’s just like a shooting star.
Chavez’s replacement appears to be the next Sasha Baron Cohen film.
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) March 6, 2013
They really should put The Dictator in charge of things.
Health experts say that sitting is the new smoking. Does that make farting the new secondhand smoke?
— Joan Rivers (@Joan_Rivers) March 6, 2013
Best Joan Rivers joke in 30 years.
Dallas Cowboy outfit for my massage today! He has a thing for cheerleaders… What a weird job lockerz.com/s/286185846
— Jennifer Love Hewitt (@TheReal_Jlh) March 6, 2013
Go Cowboys?
DID YOU KNOW: Making that heart shape with your hand is American Sign Language for “I am a pedophile”?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 6, 2013
That’s true.
Having balls is a disadvantage
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 6, 2013
For what?
Pretty cool that the letters “B.J.” stand for the two greatest things in the world: beef jerky & Billy Joel.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) March 6, 2013
That is pretty cool.
NO, took them off in the shower> RT @_missbarbie_@nickiminaj Did ur nipple pasty ever accidentally come off during the shoot? #FreaksVideo
— Nicki Minaj (@NICKIMINAJ) March 7, 2013
She’s referring to THIS.
Who invented the Balloon?
— Gary Busey (@THEGaryBusey) March 7, 2013
Gary Busey, ladies and gentlemen.
If this doesn’t get me suspended I dunno what will #happy2000000 @amyrittiner instagr.am/p/WlGjoIpjRo/
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 8, 2013
The pic got taken down but you can see it HERE!