eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Today we should all remember our presidents the way they were meant to be remembered, as masks worn by bank robbing surfers in Point Break.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) February 18, 2013
That there is how you show true patriotism.
If Mindy McCready was indeed the 5th suicide in two seasons of Dr Drew-maybe producers need to find a new angle
— Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) February 18, 2013
And the patients need a new doctor.
Just when I brainwashed myself to believe humans are not barnyard animals, I venture into an airplane lavatory w the toilet seat up
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) February 19, 2013
Well, you do kind of feel like cattle on an airplane.
Feel the chi. Repulse the monkey. Part the wild horses mane.
— Aaron Rodgers (@AaronRodgers12) February 19, 2013
Solid advice.
Europe, what’s up with shitty weather everywhere? Can I please request some sunshine for tomorrow?
— Anne V (@AnneV) February 19, 2013
Why does it always seem odd to me when a supermodel swears?
“Stressed spelled backward is desserts, coincidence? I think not” -Ellsworth Statler
— Kylie Bisutti (@VSKylie) February 19, 2013
I have no idea what that even means.
Johnnie Cochran is cackling and rolling a blunt RT @slate: Oscar Pistorius’ version of Reeva Steenkamp’s killing: po.st/nUAq65
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) February 19, 2013
Oscar might want to give him a call.
If i could pick one person to go to @bonnaroo with it would be arsenio hall @arseniohall
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) February 19, 2013
Really??
Even commercials for reality shows hurt my soul.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 20, 2013
They hurt everyone’s soul.
Took the garbage out…very much like when you breathe in & you feel your nasal passage ice up, I literally felt my fucking Vagina freeze.
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) February 20, 2013
She should be on The Weather Channel.
“Dora” and “explorer” don’t rhyme, and never have, but people seem to go about their business as of it doesn’t matter.
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) February 20, 2013
And how come Swiper never gets arrested?
Planning my Oscar snacks. What goes with smarmy fakeness?
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) February 20, 2013
Tofu?
Those Discover cards ads that say “we treat you like you’d treat you” don’t really work cause I feel like I’d treat me like a real dick.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 20, 2013
Good point.
Contents of the table next to my bed: 2 boxes of girl scout cookies & birth control pills. Delicious, yet safe.
— Melissa Stetten(@MelissaStetten) February 20, 2013
It’s like a single girl’s survival kit.
Only a couple years ago I was serving @budweiser behind homeplate for @bluejays Hope I can throw a first pitch this summer-fingers crossed!!
— Ashley Diana Morris (@Ashleydmorris) February 20, 2013
Re: THIS.
I found her! I found the fartiest old person at this grocery store and she’s in line in front of me arguing about her change! What do I win?
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) February 20, 2013
A lifetime supply of that memory.
Blocked my first Juggalo today.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) February 20, 2013
The first one is always the hardest.
Oh, Google Glasses… we’ll never feel rude for checking our phones 24/7 again!
— Hilary Rhoda (@HilaryHRhoda) February 20, 2013
Yes, it’s a brave new world now.
Happy Birthday, @rihanna! I have your present. It is a wax double of my body for your private pleasure. And a gift card for Best Buy.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) February 20, 2013
Damn, guess I’ll have to return my gift.
everyone is terrible
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) February 20, 2013
That’s true.
I also like beer.
— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) February 21, 2013
Just so you know.
My Twitter has been seriously hacked— and we are looking for the perpetrators.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) February 21, 2013
You mean you didn’t really tweet,
“These hoes think they classy, well that’s the class I’m skippen”?
Any nice men over 45 out there? Give me a call at 866 675-6675 :) I’m LIVE right now on Sirius XM Stars 107 talking about online dating
— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 21, 2013
Martha Stewart: Online Dating Expert.
80% of the time I don’t have a fucking clue as to what you people are talking about
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) February 21, 2013
That percentage is lower than mine.