eldh, Flickr
Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
This so called “new year” is a con. So far I can’t tell any difference between this one and the old one.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) January 1, 2013
Yeah, what a rip.
If you like the Rose Bowl parade because the floats are made out of roses, check out the far more exciting Gator Bowl parade.
— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) January 1, 2013
Much more exciting than the Cotton Bowl parade as well.
Is it 2014 yet?
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) January 1, 2013
Yes, let’s move things along people.
This year I resolve to see more movies about white people in relationships.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) January 1, 2013
Talk about cherry-picking your resolutions.
I blew one of my new years resolutions by waking up today
— David Spade (@DavidSpade) January 1, 2013
It takes real commitment to fulfill that resolution.
It is AMAZING how much stock people put in the twitters of celebrities: follow, rts, etc. are treated like the most generous of gifts.
— Spencer Pratt(@spencerpratt) January 2, 2013
Wow. A moment of perspective… from Spencer Pratt.
My nickname for Hillary Clinton’s blood clot is ‘Harry Clotter’.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) January 2, 2013
Mine is J.J. Clott.
I think I’m going to do a naked dance for you all when I get to 20k followers on here and IG! Jus’sayin’ ;)
— Ellis Cooper (@EllisCooperx) January 2, 2013
Make it happen, people.
…ʍǝıʌ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ ǝɟıן ʇɐ ʞooן oʇ pǝǝu n sǝɯıʇǝɯos…
— Hope Dworaczyk (@HopeDworaczyk) January 2, 2013
Clever.
It’s really un-awesome when I can see the timestamp of when someone read my text….and they don’t respond. Turn that BS off.
— Lucy Hale (@lucyhale) January 2, 2013
Said hundreds of people this week…
Quick reminder:there are traces of fecal matter everywhere including on your face
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) January 3, 2013
Thanks.
Men are never satisfied… they could be married 2 Adriana Lima&still beg4a 3some or cheat #unevolved #aretheregoodmen ? #somebitchessucktoo
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) January 3, 2013
And her point is?
My mom totally hurt my feelings, I just wanted to know if she’s ever fucked a black guy, she didn’t have to call me a “trash mouth”.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 3, 2013
Moms can be so insensitive sometimes.
Is it weird that I have dreams of Rihanna at least once a week? #queen
— NiC0LE P0LiZZi (@snooki) January 3, 2013
Yes.
i go to same doctor as the hulk hogan and he say hulk have smallest dick in the world
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) January 3, 2013
Doesn’t that violate some law disclosing that?
Wait, I’m confused, do Hansel and Gretel do each other?
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) January 3, 2013
Only in the Japanese version.
Grown couple in the terminal having a “thumb war” right now. Not sure if I hate it or love it. Now they’re cuddling. Grrrrrrr
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) January 3, 2013
She should have killed them.
Never understand avatars of ppl holding up a phone taking a pic of themselves. Really? You can’t find ANYONE to do that for you?
— Bonnie Bernstein (@BonnieBernstein) January 3, 2013
It’s just one of life’s many conundrums.
I would literally rather submerge myself into a large vat of sulphuric acid than ever be a contestant on Celebrity Big Brother.
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) January 3, 2013
Can’t we just put the people who do appear on the show in sulphuric acid?
To do list currently reads “Carrots, Vodka.” WHO NEEDS A LIFE COACH I AM AVAILABLLLLEEE
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) January 3, 2013
Sign me up.
Confidence; The sexiest thing a girl can put on in the morning.
— Courtney Stodden (@CourtneyStodden) January 3, 2013
Is “confidence” code for lacey lingerie?
Don’t waste time trying to convince a person to use basic logic and see things your way if they refuse.You’re not the Jackass Whisperer.
— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) January 4, 2013
Sage advice.
Do you like oxygen deprivation, wearing too many clothes, lugging a bunch of shit around, & white people? Then try skiing!
— Andy Richter (@Andy_Richter) January 4, 2013
But it’s so fun!